Virtually Spotless

It has come to the attention of the moderation team that one of my personal messages, entitled 'Hit list - for Big Ron and his 9mm mop and bucket', was accidentally sent to all members by mistake. Some of our more observant forum regulars have noticed that those listed in my PM are mainly people who I've locked horns with in the past, while others appear to be listed simply for having made disparaging remarks about Nestlé's Kit Kat Chunky.

Whilst I can appreciate that all this must look bad, I've managed to come up with a surprisingly convincing explanation:

Whenever people upset me, whether it be here on the forum or in my other real life, I like to 'retaliate' with a random act of kindness - hence my arrangements for Big Ron and his cleaning services to go around and, quite literally, clean their properties. The £2500 price tag next to each name on the list only goes to demonstrate the high standard of Ron's work.

I can't really explain the 9mm remark; Ron only ever uses a .45 mop and bucket.